You’re not alone in solitude
Lately, I've been feeling so alone. Inexplicably so.
I can't shake the feeling of being alone and abandoned. Yet, nobody left me. My friends are with me; my job is fantastic, and a beautiful, inspiring city accompanies me. You would think it is hard to feel alone when you live in a place full of beauty, art, people, life, and overall company.
My mind cannot seem to understand that being alone is not negative; being alone is being with yourself and discovering your feelings, fears, dreams, and goals. Being alone is essential; it is a moment of perfection in which you can gain perspective.
Yet I can't seem to access that part of loneliness. This last month I've been in a self-destruction cycle, ignoring my life, goals, where I come from, and what I want to do.
This loneliness has made it challenging to enjoy the beautiful little things in life. Because with it comes from the perception of not being seen, forgotten, and no one.
It is horrible, in a way; it is an internal battle that doesn't let you breathe; it suffocates you, and realizing that it's your mind doing so makes it all the more difficult.
How to battle this feeling? How to stop this "auto-abandonment" and enjoy every single moment. Without doubt, without insecurity. How to just be?
Unfortunately, I don't have a secret potion, but funny enough; I know I'm not alone in solitude. Many of you have also felt this way, welcomed it, struggled with it, and let it go. When it comes down to it: by definition, we are alone. We are one with the world, and trying to give solitude meaning and redefining it around others can be truly excruciating.
There is a dichotomy between wanting to fit in with others and defining your identity in solitude. So we try to be independent but seek passionate love, the kind of love that makes us feel seen, understood, supported and catches us when we fall.
Through solitude, we also seek freedom. One can only be obtained in the mind because freedom is permanent there. If being alone is also free, why do we fear it? Why do I fear coming home and being alone, yet enjoying it simultaneously?
I think that being alone makes you grow, it makes you see yourself, and challenge yourself: it makes you want to be a better person. But, it can also be scary; block and hold you down.
These last few days, I've realized the importance of feeling alone, of welcoming solitude with open arms, knowing full well that when it enters your home, you are not alone: because you are with yourself.
So yes, it might sound bizarre, but I fully believe that feeling alone is feeling yourself, even if it's hard. It's feeling love and fear, freedom and attachment, incertitude and security, abandonment and companionship.
Being alone is a mystery; it is profoundly scary but fulfilling. So I invite you to try to feel alone, without prejudice, to feel it and be grateful because you're experiencing what it is, how it feels. And it's beautiful.
I welcome you to solitude with love and open arms; everything is going to be okay.
I got you
Lo
x