I PROMISE TO BE PURE
PURELY ME
I took a break from social media for about three weeks. I was not feeling connected with myself or my surroundings. We’ve all heard and seen everywhere what social media can do to a person’s mental and physical health. I refused to believe it; I thought I was using social media, especially Instagram, to my advantage. I felt connected to people that read what I write, see the pictures that empower me, or even want to know how I’m doing at a distance.
My intention has never been to be famous or influence people, although I respect immensely the people that do. I intend to tell my story through words, pictures, and experiences and hope to start a conversation, inspire, help, and talk. I want people to have an ally in me; even if it’s just one person who reads is reading this, I want to tell them that they’re not alone. We’ve all felt anxious, insecure, we compare ourselves to others, and this just happened to me.
I’ve been going through a rough patch lately, and I realized that the tool that I thought helped me communicate my experiences also gave me more anxiety.
I started seeing everything wrong and giving energy to things that are not central in my life. I started caring about looks, my image, and my body again and forgot to love myself along the way. After a lot of thinking, I realized I needed to approach my online life differently. But it is complicated to deal with this “instrument” that is part of our daily lives, how most of our friends and society communicate, how you are seen, heard, or thought about. We all have listened to, “that’s not real life, just a depiction of what they want you to see,” And that is true, so, so true.
I thought I was exempt from that, better, that I loved myself more, and that posting empowering pictures helped inspire others. And in a way, that’s true. And although my intentions were pure, I was looking at it from an entirely different and dangerous perspective.
Some of you have read many of the things I’ve written and know that I’ve been through something and that it took an incredible amount of work and self-love to start writing about this and showing my body while being proud of it. And I know that some women and men have felt the same; I’ve had the most amazing conversations about it, in-depth talks about loving yourself and feeling sexy. I talked to people about how to get there and how it is rocky, but again, I lost myself along the way; I lost my strongest ally.
This time offline has helped me realize that yes, I love doing this; I love sharing with you that I went through depression, an eating disorder, terrible hate for my body, but came out the other side, loving myself, feeling myself, putting myself out there and regaining my power to love and trust. But sometimes, when you expose yourself this much, it can be challenging, which is why I had to take a little break to re-center and re-think where this is going.
Being off social media and feeling that I can do whatever I want without sharing it online helped me. I am still struggling a bit with finding myself, which is why I wanted to share this.
Some of my friends tell me, “how can you feel like that? You have a wonderful life in Paris, and you don’t look it”. But I say: yes I love my life, I love my city, but sometimes it is difficult to love yourself, believe in yourself, and it’s constant work.
If you read what I write or see the pictures I post, it might seem as though I’m not insecure or that I’ve reached my full capacity of sexiness, sex, and everything that surrounds that. But no, I had to close off my social media, stop writing for a bit and go dark. And I’m ready to get back in the game, but I’ll try to be purer raw honesty. From now I will talk about everything, but always protecting myself. I will show everything, but not to sexualize myself or show off, but to inspire myself and the people that like what I do. If you do not like it, don’t feel comfortable, or are disrespectful, I have to learn to live with that because everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it will no longer affect me, or at least I will try.
I, therefore, swear to be pure, honest, genuine, and undoubtedly Lorenza.
Love
L