Welcome to my new era

I went silent three months ago

I was in a very unusual place emotionally. I realized I was putting on a mask before my readers. A mask of heartbreak that hid my hopelessness of love. A mask of empowerment and sexiness hiding my insecurity towards my body and mind. And a mask of someone that was in the correct path, that actually hid how lost I was.

I was being dishonest to you and to myself.

And as much as I like writing, sharing, and most of all being transparent, I had to take a break.

A little voice inside of me told me to change course. In my thinking, my actions, my relationships, my friends, my self-worth, and my empowerment. Of course, a few external factors played into it, but this had been going on before I started writing on my blog. But it was easier to ignore that little voice.

However, that little voice has always shown in my words. My blog started as a way to express that voice and communicate with people who have been in my shoes, people who have felt what I feel. 

With time, I found myself surrounded by people who really saw potential in my writing, experiences, honesty, and story. So eventually, I also started writing for them, for those ten people who first subscribed to my newsletter, for those faithful readers who waited for my next article. And I know that we don't all have the same life experiences, insecurities, choices, or even ways of thinking. But I believe that knowing that someone out there has been through similar beautiful and difficult moments helps.

With that growing audience came a sense of responsibility. I did not want to write articles inspired by honesty, love, and empowerment when I was in a confused mind space. This is why I decided to remain silent for the past months.

I am a person that has struggled a bit but also has a beautiful life and has experienced love, family, and pure joy. But my mind took over that last period of my life, and I could not see what I had in front of me. I cannot explain the state of mind I was in. I kept thinking myself into a hole without being able to get out of it. It happened with everything. Today I realize that I let many fantastic moments and people pass me by.

I forgot how beautiful and sexy my soul was. I did not enjoy the wonderful person that came and left into my life, so surprisingly, I stopped seeing my friends; my smile dimmed, and I started to live on autopilot. I was looking for connection, but I did not realize that what I was looking for was inside me.

It sounds very cliché, and if someone would've said this to me in November, I would've laughed. But it is astonishing how strong the mind is, how the battle between our emotions and thoughts overwhelms us. Unfortunately, no one teaches us how to deal with that, so when you find yourself in a state of constant anxiety and solitude, how do you deal with it? How the hell do you pull yourself out of it and start experiencing your beautiful life?

I am learning, and I don't have a magic potion or a perfect answer. But I can share a few things that I have learned that make me see the world in a way I never thought was possible. My eyes have been opened to the magnificence of life. From realizing to be present to learning to let go, I have explored many options, and all have brought me to this moment.

I know that it is impossible to learn everything in a few months, but I believe you can be enlightened. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Ok, I know we are in a bad place, but I also know that we don't want to be here, so let's do something." If you relate, then you can try it too. We all can. Just because you've labeled yourself as the kind of person that does this or that it doesn't mean that you can't change. You can be whoever you set your mind to.

I always thought of myself as an insecure, fat, and anxious woman that was not worth it. Sure, these thoughts improved with time, but I always found myself in a bit of a loop. And after some work, I've learned to say NO. I am not that person anymore. I am choosing to let that person go; I choose to become someone else. I am learning to become someone new. Someone secure, constantly working on loving herself, enjoying the now, letting herself be loved, and expressing her emotions.

Is it difficult? Of course, it is! Am I still working on it? Yes, but I love it; I love the work and pain; I love confronting those fears and getting rid of old ones. So who do I want to become? I do not know. But I intend to find out. So I invite you to join me in this new journey, which will be more honest, transparent, consistent, and with no masks. One that will help us evolve through writing about experiences, art, culture, and the incredible opportunity to share them with you and hopefully inspire you along the way. All while maintaining that sexy side I love so much.

Today, I present a new blog, a new image, a new Lorenza.

I want you to be a part of it. In here you will be safe, in here we are going to talk about everything, with everyone. All is permitted, all is safe, all is love. This is a journey, and I want you to join me. I have so much to say, and I hope you are willing to listen and say it with me.

So without further ado, Welcome to my Thoughts (again).

With all my love,

L