Let's Talk About Insecurity
INSECURITY
I grew up listening to this word in my head all the time. Repeating it over and over. Every time I got to a new place, school, a bar, or simply a store: insecurity.
As a kid, I was bullied by none other than my friends. So you get the idea of where this insecurity came from. I was so self-conscious about how I looked physically, so horrified by my body, words, and looks. So I was plain and simple: very insecure.
But I showed up every damn day, and I suffered in silence because I thought that if I put on a smile and acted nice, then people would like me. And for most of my teen years, it worked. I was amazed because I was so insecure: it became part of my personality. Can you imagine?
Sometimes I even forgot it was there, but I could always listen to a voice saying, “Are you sure you want to say that?” “Are you sure you want to wear that?” or the classic “Oh no, Lorenza, you look too fat; no one will like you.” I was 13. Barely a teenager and so self-aware and insecure about being myself.
My sparkling personality was overshadowed by my self-doubt; my smile was dimmed by the insecurity of falling in line with what society “wanted” of me.
At 16, I had been on 30 diets; I had tried it all, you name it. But, I was too insecure to say, “ENOUGH: this is how I like my body, myself, my personality.” If you ask my high school and college friends, most of them will tell you they had no clue I was insecure. Because most of the time, I would drink enough to feel “cool” or forget about my aspect. Or I would act like a clown to get the attention away from my physique.
It is no wonder that at 21, I was in real trouble. My insecurity was at its peak, and all my problems were too. An eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and sexual abuse; all those: cured. And it is no easy feat, but my good old friend insecurity was still here.
24 years old: a thousand experiences, at the peak of my sexual empowerment and awakening, living my best life, literally, and thinking that the little bastard was gone.
Then, out of nowhere, when I turned 25, lady insecurity came back with a bang. It pulled me back down like never before. I started second doubting everything: what I wore, ate, did, said, the people I hung out with, the men I dated, every text I sent: EVERYTHING.
I bet that if you read my blog when you are thinking: “no way, this girl was fine.” I’m so sorry to disappoint, but I was absolutely not.
My self-worth was on the floor, and yes, I had tools that I did not have before, so it was easier to manage. But the worst thing was that I had no clue that most of my problems, anxieties, and sad moments at the time were due to insecurity. I did not yet understand how damaging that feeling and that word had been in my life and how it hurt others. This is why I am sharing this with you.
Do you feel identified?
Then keep reading, my friend, because I think I may just have found a way to fight off insecurity. And I’m sorry in advance for the cheesy words, but: you need to look at yourself in the mirror, really look, and see how freaking awesome you are. How this fantastic human being will beat insecurity in the face.
That is just the first step.
Insecurity is normal; we are all a little insecure about something: work, life, body image, love, social relationships: everything. And at some point, we all have to experience it, but not when it becomes toxic.
As silly as this might sound, YOU are the only one that can say NO to insecurity and break that habit. Your brain is chemically programmed and used to be insecure because those are the signals you have been sending for a long time. Your emotions and thoughts tell your cells that you are insecure, so the moment you decide not to be, you physically go into “panic mode.” Your body goes back to what it knows: insecurity.
So what is the answer? And I swear it works. Take it from Lorenza, the chronic insecure girl. You have to stop those thoughts before they start and replace them with something else.
What, you might ask?
Whatever you want to be. Your mind is so powerful you have the incredible gift of deciding what you want to do with it.
Here is what I do: if I walk into a party in a room full of people I don’t know, my insecurity kicks in, all the “you look fat, ugly, and don’t know how to make friends” thoughts start pouring in. But before that sentence ends, I stop myself, listen to that voice and say, “NO, I am not insecure, I am not that person anymore. I am breaking the habit of being insecure. Today I am being the new Lorenza.” And yes, it is hard, and it takes a lot of repeating, but you eventually get there. And no, I didn’t make this up; it is scientifically proven.
Today, I have made so many incredible friends and had unique opportunities because I decided to stop labeling myself as insecure.
Remember: the only person that is doing this to you is yourself.
I am beyond happy but still working on the new me. I wouldn’t be the new Lorenza if I didn’t share this with you.
Because if it helps one, it can benefit many.
And if you are scared, it is okay, I am too sometimes, but I know you can do this. We will do it together
With all my loving, secure self,
L