I'm not a victim anymore
Two days ago,
while talking to my aunt about how happy I am, how well I am doing, and how my heart is finally at peace, she reacted surprisingly. She told me that she had not read my two last articles. Her exact words were: "You are not a victim anymore; you are not showing to your readers your sparkling personality, the real new Lorenza."
She was absolutely right. I've been hiding behind a mask of insecurity, suffering, sexual abuse, body shaming, and countless other experiences. Don't get me wrong; if it were not for those experiences and the wonderful opportunity of sharing them with you, I wouldn't be in this constant state of bliss I'm living in today.
Yes, I lived through those experiences, but they are not me anymore. I have written so much about suffering that I've forgotten to share how happy I am. How I got here, the incredible books I've read, my day-to-day, the challenges of being 25, out of an MBA, and unemployed. The reconciliation with the person that broke my heart, how grateful I am to have discovered boxing, or the fact that I meditate every single day while holding crystals. I haven't written about how grateful I am for my life.
People that have not seen me in a while keep telling me, "I've never seen you this happy," "You are so secure, so at peace," and my personal favorite: "Why the hell aren't you writing about this." And I have no clue what to answer to the last one.
I have shared so much with you, but I have forgotten to share my happiness. Because yes, there was a time I was a victim, and I didn't say it, but deep down, I think it became my identity. And I felt I wouldn't be validated otherwise or that my blog wouldn't work if I did not write about my sufferings.
My one true goal is to show my readers how amazing it is to be confident and in love with themselves and the importance of enjoying the present moment. Have I achieved that? Maybe.
I've realized that if I step out of the victim role; I can accomplish so much more. Because I am truly happy and blessed, and I love my freaking body. I love being single, flirting, and going to the gym every day, and I love the fact that my curves have taken shape. I am happy because I take care of my body every day. And yes, I’ve lost a bit of weight, but because I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to feel good and stop fooling myself. By this, I do not mean that all bodies aren't perfect and beautiful; I freaking love mine.
Today, I still have my sexy curves and my perfect shapes. But you know what? My smile is 1000 times bigger. And I have not shown you that.
I have put on a "hero suit" that has to talk about suffering in order to “feel” cheerful. But I realized that it doesn't have to be that way. You can be happy while having bad experiences. Don't let stereotypes consume you. Change happens every day.
You can wake up today and decide who you are going to be. You can be insecure and wake up one day and say, "I am not that person anymore". You can look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I've never been this happy, thank you," even if your whole world is falling apart.
Being happy does not mean being perfect. And I am not perfect. I am just a woman who has been through some experiences and wants to share them. And from now on, I will not share them from the victim's stand because I am not a victim anymore. I am freaking Lorenza, I am Flor Mariposa Brillante.
I was terrified of not talking about the same intense topics every week; I feared it would change how people saw me or my writing. And if it does, so be it. Because I have much more to share, many more challenges, beautiful things, sexy tips, sex stories, and empowering tips.
I am so happy.
There will be so much more coming to Lo's Thoughts: bliss, humor, sarcasm, and crazy stories about my unique and flawed life. Because that is who we are as humans: we are perfectly imperfect, and we better damn start acting like it.
You are not a victim forever. And I am certainly not a victim anymore. So bear with me because this ride is about to get more fun, crazy, and happier than ever.
Today I am showing you the honest new Lorenza, one that just discovered herself and is still doing it every damn day. A Lorenza who is still here to talk, listen, and create a community.
I love you all so, so much.
With all the happiness my heart can share,
L